Question:
I have a question about the moods and hormones of women and how men should handle them. I feel depressed sometimes without reason or I feel low, but my husband gets angry with me. Then if I complain a bit or get angry with him that he isn’t giving me enough time, he gets angrier saying that I fight with him, that I’m making his life miserable, and that my mood swings are abnormal. Please help me. We have been married for two months now, and I feel that my husband doesn’t realize what women go through and how he should respond to me.
Answer:
It sounds like you are feeling highly emotional and you are frustrated that your husband does not understand the challenges you face with mood swings. Researchers have found that mood swings in women can be due to chemical imbalances or hormonal changes around the menstrual cycle or pregnancy.
Generally, women feel emotional upheaval between five to seven days before they begin menstruating. Women respond differently, but the dramatic hormonal changes occurring in a woman’s body can cause physical pain as well as emotional changes, such as sadness and anger. Women may also feel more irritable. During this time, husbands should be understanding and sympathetic. Being dismissive of a wife’s feelings during this time is unproductive and can cause further conflict between the couple. Wives must also be cautious about how they treat their husbands and not resort to verbal assaults toward their spouses. Mood swings are not a “free pass” to be disrespectful and hurtful to your spouse or anyone for that matter.
Some of the reasons you may be feeling depressed at times could also be because of the changes you are experiencing as a new bride and because of the possible stressors you are experiencing in your newly married life. If you are feeling depressed for extended periods of time and are having mood swings constantly, you may need to consider visiting your physician to determine if there are other factors that are contributing to the variability in your mood. If you are taking birth control pills, you may want to consider the impact they are having on your mood swings. Physicians can discuss alternative birth control prescriptions and other types of contraception. You should also discuss with your physician the possibility of pregnancy. If mood swings are dominating your life and you are feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions, you will need to seek help from a mental health provider who can help you stabilize your mood through medication and/or therapy. Therapy can help you address the stressors that are impacting your mood and teach you helpful ways to manage the feelings you are experiencing in this new stage of your life. Understanding why you have mood swings and how it impacts your relationship is important for you and your spouse to consider while you regain your feelings of steady emotional wellbeing.
VMCounselors was a collaborative advice column produced by two previous website authors, Amal Killawi, a Clinical Social Worker with a specialization in mental health and marriage education, and Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine, a Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in premarital counseling. Please note that our counselors are not religious scholars and will not issue religious rulings.
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