Question:
My question is regarding sexual activity between a husband and wife in Islam. I had read somewhere that it’s permissible to use certain language (for example, cursing/dirty talk/so-called “bad words”) during sex if that’s something they like. Is this true or not?
Answer:
During sexual activity, couples will often exchange loving words with each other to increase their desire for each other. Sometimes, sexual activity may include sexually explicit language (also known as “dirty talk”), as well as swearing.
Sex is based on personal preference and will vary depending on the cultural context. Some people are turned on by sexually explicit language. Some people even find cursing increases their desire and passion with their spouse. Still, however, there are others who may consider such language abhorrent and unacceptable in their relationship.
It is important for BOTH partners to feel comfortable with the terminology that is used during their sexual interactions. Words should never be used to demean another person. It is unacceptable for someone to be called derogatory terms or to feel put down or hurt during sexual activity. Therefore, it is important to distinguish between language used to increase excitement for both partners and language that serves to insult the other person.
If you feel uncomfortable with the language used by your spouse during sexual activity, then talk to your spouse about it. You might begin the conversation by saying, “Remember the other night? I need to talk to you about something that made me feel uncomfortable.” Often, couples are unsure about how to discuss their sexual preferences, but communication is the key to a healthy sex life. Describe to your spouse what you find enjoyable versus what you consider to be offensive.
Exchanging explicit language may be acceptable for you during your sexual interactions ONLY if you and your partner agree about mutual terminology that adds to your sexual repertoire and increases your stimulation and attraction to each other.
VMCounselors was a collaborative advice column produced by two previous website authors, Amal Killawi, a Clinical Social Worker with a specialization in mental health and marriage education, and Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine, a Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in premarital counseling. Please note that our counselors are not religious scholars and will not issue religious rulings.
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