Lowering Your Gaze Heart
By Zubair Khan
Bismillah,
Sometimes, as a Muslim youth in America, going through high school and college while keeping your emaan can be really difficult. I want you to recall back to the last time you were in one of the following situations:
- You were walking on campus (or in the hallway) on a hot summer day and as you looked ahead to see where you were going, your eyes fell upon a half-naked beautiful woman (or man).
- Or when you were reading an Islamic article or just browsing the Internet at night and a nasty popup appeared right in front of your eyes.
At that very moment, did you immediately lower your gaze and say “astagfirullah” / “audhobillahi minnash shaytaanir rajeem”? If you did, then alhumdulillah! But if at that very moment you struggled to lower your gaze and/or didn’t feel anything in your heart telling you that you shouldn’t be looking at what you’re looking at, then you should continue reading this article…
Wallahi, lowering your gaze as a young Muslim is very difficult, especially since you have immodesty, pornography, and such lewdness running rampant in this society. We have cable television (channels such as MTV, E!, and even the Disney channel!) openly promoting this type of behavior. Even the most popular video game out right now (GTA 4) is all about money, girls, cussing, and boosting (stealing) cars! (Ya Allah…) When our hearts aren’t affected by this type of behavior, and we wonder why it’s so hard to lower our gaze, we should realize that the root of the problem isn’t our gaze, that’s just a symptom, but the root of our problem is that our hearts aren’t lowered in front of Allah (swt). And the way to lower your heart in front of Allah (swt) is by developing a strong connection with him through some of the suggestions that will be discussed below. When we develop a connection with Allah (swt), we will find that our limbs (including eyes) will automatically reject anything that displeases Allah (swt).
Let us now take a look at some of the things we can do to get closer to Allah (swt). Here is a list of some practical suggestions, which will later be expounded upon individually:
- Work on performing (and perfecting) all of the obligatory acts of worship (praying 5 times a day, etc.).
- Develop a relationship with the Qur’an.
- Increase in the voluntary acts of worship.
- Hang out and spend time with good brothers/sisters!
Obligatory acts
Aboo Hurayrah (r) narrated that the Prophet (sw), said, “Allaah said: My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties [obligatory acts] I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (Bukhari; hadith qudsi)
Subhannallah!
Allah is telling us, straight up, that the best way to get close to Him is by doing what He has ordered us to do. Let’s set some practical goals for ourselves with regards to our salah (prayer). Working towards praying five times a day is the best thing we can do for ourselves (if we don’t already do it). Allah (swt) has told us that he is with us if we pray!
Relationship with the Qur’an
I want us to ask ourselves this question: When was the last time we actually sat down with the Qur’an, read it in a language we understand, and pondered over the meaning? For many of us, we feel that the Qur’an is too good for us to read and that we won’t be able to understand it, so we keep it off on top of our bookshelves and let it catch dust. Or, when we do decide to read it, we only recite the Arabic and have no clue about the meaning. The Qur’an was sent down for people to think about and follow (the orders in it). How can we do that if we have no idea what it’s actually telling us to do (since we don’t understand the language)?
I can safely say that the Qur’an has had the biggest impact on my life in going back to Allah. If we don’t already read the Qur’an daily, we would be doing ourselves the biggest favor by buying an English translation of the Qur’an and getting in the habit of reading it daily. One of the best (easiest to read) translations I’ve found is the Saheeh International translation of the Qur’an. For less than $10, you can have it shipped to your house.
After you get your copy of the Qur’an, you can simply read it cover-to-cover, fifteen minutes a day. However, something that really helped me get in the habit of reading the Qur’an was that the first time around when you read the translation of the Qur’an, start from Surah 49 (second half of the Qur’an) and read it till the end. The reason is that the first half of the Qur’an (Medinan Surahs) is heavy in verses relating to law and sometimes it gets hard to read. When you start from Surah 49, the surahs are relatively short (2-3 pages long), and they are an amazing emaan booster, so you can set a goal to read one surah a day.
Increasing in voluntary acts of worship
The most important goal that we need to set for ourselves right now is to start praying (and yes, fajr is part of the five daily prayers too!). But after we are consistently praying five times a day, we should increase the voluntary acts. If you recall back to the aforementioned hadith, after Allah (swt) mentions that the most important step in going back to Allah is by performing the obligatory acts, He says: “…and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory (extra) works so that I shall love him.”
We can start off by performing the sunnah prayers before/after each of the five daily prayers. (See Sunnah (Optional) Prayers). We should also make an effort to remember Allah (swt) throughout the day, by making the du’as that the Prophet (sw) would make daily. A must-have pocket-sized book, which has the English translations of the du’as, along with the Arabic, is Fortification of the Muslim. You can order it online or buy it at your local Islamic bookstore (it’s only $3.00!).
Spending time with good brothers/sisters
If you feel like you’re having a really hard time trying to strengthen your emaan, look at the three closest people that you hang out with. I read an interesting article a while ago, which said that your habits are the same as the culmination of 3 or 5 of your closest friends’ habits. Seriously though, how do you plan on getting close to Allah (swt) when you’re hanging out with Mo(hammed) or Fatty(Fatima) who has a boyfriend/girlfriend and is constantly influencing you towards things that displease Allah? Find a good group of friends who will keep you in check when you start slipping.
Some ahadith (sayings of the Prophet (sw)) relating to the company one keeps:
- “You will be with those you love.” (Bukhari)
- “A man’s religion is that of his friends, so let each of you consider whom you befriend.” (Abu Dawud)
- And one of my favorite ahadith: “A virtuous companion is like the merchant of musk (perfume). Either he will offer you some, you will buy it from him, or you will find him pleasant to smell. But an evil companion is like the bellows-blower, either he will scorch your clothes or you will receive a rotten smell from him.” (Bukari and Muslim)
Action items:
- Start praying five times a day!
- Read one page (or one short surah) a day of Qur’an in the language that you understand. If you don’t have an English translation, order it online.
- Stop hanging out with friends who are a bad influence on you (and don’t lie to yourself and pretend like they’re not!). Wallahi, I know it’s very hard to stop hanging out with people you have become close friends with, but remember, “All friends will be enemies of one another on that Day (Day of Judgment) except those of the virtuous.” (al-Qur’an 43:67)
- Finally, beg Allah, make dua, and ask him to allow you to get close to Him and to guide you to the straight path.
Ya Allah, please forgive us of our sins, guide us to the straight path, and allow us to lower our heart (and our gaze) in modesty. O Allah, please save us from the punishment of the grave and the Hell-Fire. Ameen.
I would really appreciate it if you guys can provide some tips on what helps you lower your gaze or what helps you get closer to Allah (swt). Finally, I ask that you please remember me in your duas if this article was of any benefit to you!
Zubair Khan
* Part II coming soon inshaAllah.
Jazak Allah for this great post. There are many things you mentioned that I need to work on. Alhamdulillah I have started to fortify my prayer and Inshallah I will be sucessful at maintaining my five daily prayers and adding the Sunnah prayers. May my sucess be better than my spelling of the word sucess.
I am not one who reads the Quran daily and it is something that I need to start doing. It is hard for me as I can not read the Arabic. I want to be able to read the Arabic even in transliteration but for some reason reading the English text transliteration does not feel right. It seems mundane if you will. Does anyone know of a Quran with the Arabic transliterated in Hebrew? For one the transliteration would be closer to the Arabic as the two alphabets are similar in many ways. If anyone knows of one it would be a big help.
I also need to work on avoiding things that I should not look at. I need to lower my heart before Allah, and in turn lower my eyes. There is a custom of some to walk with their hands clasped behind the back as this forces them to walk slightly stooped with their eyes downward.
Again Jazah Allah for the post.
Assalamualaykum,
amazing post that is much needed for today’s youth!!! Another way to help “lower your heart” or your gaze to change your music habits!!!
Music is a stimulant, and like any stuimulants it can become addictive, so in the beginning try to replace those rap concerts on your iPod with Nasheeds from Dawud Wharnsby Ali, or Zain Bhikha, or Sami Yusuf, but make sure you’re absorbing the message of those Nasheeds, and not listening to the ones with high amounts of musical instruments, otherwise in effect you’re still listening to music for the sake of music. Eventually if you can move on to lectures, and Quran with translation, you will learn TONS if you listened to tafsir on your iPod for the same amount of time you used to listen to music.
Wallahu Alim
(Is this Zubair Khan the kickboxer?)
Asalamu alaykum,
JazakAllah Khayran for your benefiicial post, very well structured, making it easy to read!
Much needed for the youth. another tip, would be that following the Prophet’s (saw) example.. if our love for him (saw) is present within our hearts, when you think to do a wrong action, ask yourself would the Prophet (saw) do this?
Or maybe ask yourself, if the Prophet (saw) was in this situation what would he (saw) do?
How would we know what he (saw) would do?
By educating ourselves about him (saw).. and reading books of Seerah, so you have a template to follow, and a guide..
I pray that those who read this article benefit from it, and act upon the advice.ameen…
Assalamualaykum Shimon!
I think it would be hard to find a hebrew text, its a real shame since Arabic and Hebrew are languages that come from the same family- BUT I have some awesome ways to learn quran from other resources that are in english. You should really try to learn arabic – it’s not too hard – and very simliar to hebrew – you could be pro in 6 months.
1) http://quranexplorer.com/ – It’s really amazing, choose your fav reciter and the translation in english you wish to read, and it will recite the quran for you while you can read the translation so the overall effect would be as if you are listening and understanding Arabic at the same time
2) Even better
http://www.quraninenglish.com/cgi-local/pages.pl?/contents
This site is the entire quran in a word for word translation which will allow you to get full meaning, and learn some arabic too. So whenever you read a quran translation, stop and read this one so that you will also learn arabic at the same time.
3)
http://www.guidedways.com/mobile/quranwordforword/download_quranw4w.php
That site has a free word for word quran translation for your cell phone (or mobile if you are british). It’s really amazing how much time we spend on our cell phones and how much of an opportunity to have a software like this on your cell phone. When i go to and from school by bus, i take out my cell phone and learn quran!!!
You can get all of this stuff with easy instant access in the Goodies menu under Islamic Tools + much more with an Islamic toolbar I created. You can download it at waterloomsa.ourtoolbar.com
Oh and you could read fortification of the muslim and print it out for FREE at makedua.com
Assalamu Alaikum,
Jazakallahu khair for all the great nasihah. Usman, just for the record, I’m not Zubair Khan the kickboxer, you’re probably thinking of some other zubair khan.
I strongly agree with the advice about music, it’s one of the main things, personally speaking, which was undermining my efforts to get close to Allah (swt). As the famous saying goes, your heart is a vessel, you can either fill it up with DMX, Jay-Z, Akon, or you can fill it up with the remembrance of Allah, and the Qur’an. (not exactly how it appears in the classical texts, but you get the idea.. :-))
I remember when I started “practicing”, I came home one day from class and deleted 1000+ songs off my hard drive alhumdulillah… After that it became so much easier to pray (and not have Eminem playing in my head while I’m trying to read surah Fatihah…)
Anyway, inshaAllah I’ll start writing part II of this article soon, which will provide some more suggestions on what we can do after we get in the habit of doing the things mentioned in this article. Let’s keep the nasihah (in the comments) going, it’s been very beneficial so far.
Please remember me in your duas and may Allah help all of us in the struggle to please Him.
Brother Usman Akhtar,
Thank your for the toolbar. i installed it and it is great. I highly recommend it for everyone.
I have Quran explorer it is good. I have a Quran that has the english transliteration but the things is that i do not feel that i am studying a sacred text when I read the English letters. I don’t know, I just think that I would learn it better in the Hebrew transliteration. As much as Arabic and Hebrew are simmilar the script is hard to read. I need a structured learning environment in order to learn Arabic. If anyone has a suggestion in the NYC area please tell me.
Assalamu Alaikum,
Br. Shimon, You can check out Islamic Learning Foundation. They have amazing classes (including Arabic, I believe) in the NYC area. Whoever lives in the NYC area, I would highly suggest keeping an eye out for the next ILF class. Their website is http://islamiclearningfoundation.com/.
Sr. Aysha, that is awesome nasihah, jazakallahu khair. We should learn the life of the Prophet so well that we can answer the question of what would the Prophet do in XYZ situation…
Assalamualaikum
Jazkallahu Khair for the tremendously beneficial and applicable article. Here are some of my own tips:
1) For websites, Mozilla Firefox has an image blocking capability. This doesn’t happen for websites that are new, but those that you already go to.
2) When it comes to the summer, don’t leave your house until you have to.
3) Increase your ibaadaat… no doubt… you’ll find it easier to lower your gaze eventually.
4) Be VERY MINDFUL of your eyes. Even if you see from far away, even accidentally, even the first look, say istighfar. This will train you when you’re in close quarters and in really bad situations to be very strict with it.
5) Even for accidental looks, say istighfar.
6) Wallahi, if you train your eyes and keep them clean this way, nothing stops them from weeping while reading Quran or during salaat. At least that is how it has worked for me.
Jezak Allahu Khayrin really beneficial Alhamdullilah. AMEEN to the duaa
One thing that benefits me is when I see someone who I need to lower my gaze from, I turn my face with Allah’s Help and ask Him: Rabana hablana min azwajina wa thuriyatina qurata ‘ayoon wa ja alna lil mutaqeenaa imama- from the end of surah al Furqaan. it’s one of the descriptions of ebadaruRahman. go check it out if you don’t know it already! way to become more familiar with the Kitab of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala insha’Allah.
Quran- DEFINITELY
music- let it go and replace it with Qur’an! insha’Allah walHamdullilah your heart and everything else will thank you [you’ll feel it inshaAllah biiiggg time] in this life and you’ll be insha’Allah a very, very happy person being able to keep your limbs safe from the fire because of less sins by the Mercy of Allah in the next!
sorry I didn’t actually finish the first thought- point being: when you leave something for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, inshaAllah you’ll find it being replaced with something better for you from Him subhanahu wa ta’ala.
So why not go for the GOLD instead of settling for the dirt?
okay really, i do all of this, and i feel so abandoned. as if ive hit rock bottom, everything is going wrong. what should i do? its pushed me to haraam
Assalamu alaykum “sister”,
It is not easy, it’s very very difficult and you can’t do it alone. You should first realize that you’re not in it alone, all of us are struggling. The most important thing is to surround yourself with other sisters that are really holding it down, so to speak. Without that strong level of sisterhood/brotherhood, we are too weak to overcome these struggles by ourselves. Also if you really sincerely ask Allah (swt) to help you overcome these obstacles, inshaAllah Allah’s help will come. Sometimes Allah (swt) doesn’t give us what we want right away, to test our patience and our perseverance, but we just have to keep knocking at the door and inshaAllah the door will open!
One thing that helps is to ask yourself where the “spark” for the haram coming from. What is it that is leading you to fall into haram; it could be something as simple as watching movies, listening to sensual music, or even being around people who don’t see a problem with haraam things and sometimes even encourage it. You have to take that thing, the root cause, and just get rid of that. There’s no easy way of doing it, and if you give up something for the sake of Allah, Allah (swt) will give you so many amazing things that you couldn’t have even imagined of! (if not in this life, in the hereafter for sure!)
May Allah help us overcome our desires and make it easy for all of us and get all of the single brothers and sisters married soon inshaAllah, ameen.
JAZAKHALLAH KHAIRAN FOR THIS GREAT POST BROTHER ZUBAIR KHAN!!!
MAY ALLAH BLESS OUR BELOVED PROPHET MUHAMMED (PBUH) WTH JANNTHUL FIRDAUS AND ITS HIGHEST RANK,AND WITH WASEELA…..AMEEEEEEN….
MAY ALLAH BLESS HIS PURE PROGANY TOO WITH JANNATHUL FIRDAUS AND ITS HIGHEST RANK….AMEEEN…
MAY ALLAH BLESS ALL THE MUSLIM AND MUSLIMAH BOTH LIVING AND DEAD IN THIS WORLD WITH JANNATHUL FIRDAUS AND ITS HIGHEST RANK…AMEEEN..
MAY ALLAH BLESS ZUBAIR KHAN WITH JANNATHUL FIRDAUS AND ITS HIGHEST RANK…AMEEEN…
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,MAY ALLAH BLESS TOO THE ONE WHO READS THIS COMMENT WITH JANNATHUL FIRDAUS AND ITS HIGHEST RANK…AMEEEN…
ASSALAAM!!!
I think it can be stated in general, that keeping yourself in the best of environments is key, and that includes avoidance of music, movies, and bad company which in fact are positive reinforcers (once you get pleasure out of something, you tend to repeat the behavior). And one can notice that even in the absence of these stimuli, the mind tends to wander to those thoughts/scenes from the movie, or it can be subconsciously repeating the dirty lyrics.
From personal experience, I’d also like to emphasize on spending time with good brothers or sisters, which are hard to find, so cling onto them. A lot of times we feel that others cannot influence our judgment capabilities; however, the way your friends deal with certain situations or the advice that they give you DOES make a huge difference.
JazakAllah khair for the amazing article! It was very helpful.
Beauty in Refusing the Seduction of Women
It is reported that Abu Bakr al-Miski was once asked , “We always find a good odor emanating from you – why or how?”
He answered, “By Allah, for years now I have not used any perfume, but the reason for the good smell has to do with an ordeal that I passed through.
A woman once tricked me into entering her home. Then she closed and locked the door behind her, after which she began to seduce me. I became utterly bewildered as to what I should do, for I had no options before me.
I said to her, “I need to go and purify myself.”
She ordered her servant to take me to the bathroom, and when I entered it, I took faeces in my hand and wiped it all over my body. Then I returned to her in that state. Shocked to see me like that, the woman ordered that I be removed from her home. I left and immediately had a bath. That very night I saw a dream; in it, it was said to me,
“You have done that which no else has ever done. I will make your smell good and pure in this world and in the hereafter.”
When I woke up , the smell of perfume was emanating from my body, and it has continued to emanate from my body until this very moment.”
Taken from ‘al-Mawa’idh wal-Majalis’ page 224
Not putting your-self in situations also helps whether at work or college etc…
Try not to go to town on a very hot day, if people(women) get easily tempted to wear virtually nothing.
Getting Married…Having children….creating a great love between partner and children.
jazakallah brother.. that was very helpfull and understanding,inshallah this will have an impact on my lifestyle and will benifit me in the future…inshallah..
Alhamdullilah.
A very good article. I have faced similar situations before and many a times I could not lower my gaze. It was a continuous struggle until one day I asked myself a simple question. If I give a word to a fellow Muslim, I would rather die than break the word. So why do not I keep the word which i have given to Allah. That day, I wrote a contract (on paper, and signed it) between myself and Allah. These are my major sins and I will stop it immediately.
Having an early marriage with a religious partner is also one of the most important weapons against these forms of evils.
AH
Sharjeel
salam alekum brother n sisters,
Alhumdulilah i have adopted many good things in my life but like you people i also hd many bad and haram things,very simple example is that i had an boyfriend and i left him for coming close to Allah and only for His love.It was very hard for me but i cried and prayed to Allah to give me strenght i want to be His favourite slave.Now alhumdulilah i am far away from all these thoughts,my advice for all brothers n sisters is recite as much as possible the Kalimah it will give very very strong effect on our prayers and your heart will be cleansed.and 2nd advice which is the best amal is doing Salat e Tahajud this prayer is very close to Allah and it has many many rewards you can search about it.. dua of a good muslim cannot be rejected in Tahajud .try to follow as many sunnat as you can like reciting surah mulk n surah sajdah before sleeping,if you do this for 40 days inshAllah it will strenghten and affect our soul in a good way .ameen
And brother thanx for the article it was great.
May Allah reward for this act…ameen
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sistres,
WELL, MASHALLAH, MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU IN fIRDOUS IL 3ALA BIL JANNAH, INSHALLAH FOR THIS ADVICE, ALHAMDULILLAH! JUST SOME TIPS FOR LOWERING YOUR GAZE:
1. WRITE DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER “LOWER YOUR GAZE” AND TAKE A PICTURE OF IT AND THEN SET IT UP AS YOUR BACKGROUND, SO NOW INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT YOUR FAVORITE SINGER OR ACTRESS, YOU WILL REMIND YOURSELF.
2. KEEP YOUR EYES FOCUSED ON YOUR SHOES WHEN THERE IS HARAM AROUND YOU.
3. KEEP REMEMBERING ALLAH!
AND F.Y.I. I SPEAK TO MYSELF BEFORE I SPEAK TO YOU ALL!
WAJAJAKALLAHU KHAIRUN!
MASHA ALLAH …..may Allah reward for all the effort you have taken brother.
ALLAH O AKBAR
Wow, thats all I can say I moved to the US three years back and right now Im going through some real bad stuff I feel like I moved away from Islam but this article really helped may Allah swt bless you. Im right now in love with a non muslim boy Im trying my best to let go of him. I was trying to pretend like everything is normal that even if I do marry him my kids can go to an islamic school and all but when I think practical I guess that’s not happening. This life is about sacrificing and they say Allah always has something better in store for you. This is extremely hard for me but I will try. Inshallah everything will be fine. Please pray for me and thank you once again for this amazing article.
The best medicine is to send salutations on Our Loving Prophet which will save us from the sins keep sending salutations in infinite numbers . The other thing which you have look for is to consume Lawful ( Halal ) things and aviod Unlawful things to make sure our earnings are halal
sometime a small thing or short experience or a good advice shared by you can help others .
thanks for being helpful. i agree that only quran has the key if we read , listen to meaning in our heart and then obey .
thank god that he has given this idea to you ,
As-Salam-alaykum everyone. In case there is anyone struggling with pornography, then I would recommend you check out the Purify Your Gaze online program.
Br. Zeyad (instructor) makes a strong effort to outline one’s internal struggle, and offers sound advice inshaAllah in regards to dealing with it. It is open for both brothers and sister, and may be beneficial for some.
The website is http://www.purifyyourgaze.com
Also, in regards to Arabic, http://www.lqtoronto.com has an outstanding online series for free to download and view at your convenience. It teaches the entire two year Arabic course taught at the University of Medina to foreign non-Arabi speaking students, in preparation for their study of the Islamic sciences. I Highly recommend checking it out.
I hope this helps beidhnillahi ta a’la. Br. Zubair, still waiting on part 2!
Wa-alaykum as Salam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
asalamu alikum brothers and sisters
Masallah br .zubair thank u very much for this amazing article – may allah(swt) greatly reward for this insallah ammeen and ameen !
alhamuduallah i pray my five daily prayers daily and in the progress of praying my sunnahs daily ,uswell as reading the quran daily
i thank allah(swt) greatly for guiding me alhamuduallah for there are many misguided – and may allah guide them too ammen however its diffidently not easy to stop all the things mentioned above BUT again the harm staff are soo easy to do ,this clearly shows the shaytans role in our life BUT THERES ONE THING IF WE ALL UNDERSTAND WOULD MAKE LIFE EASY IN THIS DUNAYA AND THAT IS TO BELIEVE THAT ALLAH(SWT)IS ALWAYS THERE FOR U !NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU ARE OR HOW MANY THINGS U HAVE DONE IN THE PAST ! HES ALWAYS THERE FOR U AND THERE’S PLENTY OF ROOM FOR REPENTANCE ! BEING A GOOD MUSLIM REQUIRES HARD WORK ,DETERMINATION ,COURAGE TO OVERCOME THE EVILS OF SHAYTAN AND THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART AND MOST OF ALL FEAR OF ALLAH CAUSE Always remember :Whatever grief we go through, whatever hardship we endure, we must understand that we are never alone. Even if we feel abandoned by the world and those closest to us, Allah is there.AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST TO BE HAPPY IN THIS WORLD AND HEREAFTER ,THERS ONE SIMPLE FORMULA TO FOLLOW – DO WHAT ALLAH LOVES AND COMMANDED U AND IN RETURN ALLAH WILL LOVE U AND GIVE U WHAT U WANT – (simple as that) whats greater then the feeling of connection between yourself and allah – MAKE LOADS OF DUA CAUSSE DUA MAKES U CLOSEER TO ALLAH AND ITS THE ONLY THING OR WEAPON THAT CAN CHANGE QADAR !! subhanallah
once again thank u for this article br.zubair !
walikum asalam
Assalam Alaikum, i just want to thank br. Zubair for his article, and all the brothers/sisters who gave insightful comments. Its amazing, were all from different walks of life..different natures & having experienced distinct nurture/environments- yet we all face the same trials. When i read the article i felt as though it was personally addressing me.
Nothing is worth it in this life if we don’t secure the love of Allah (swt) and His messenger. Even with university education and a good job, its useless if we do not find peace in the path of the righteous. I still find myself empty and sad most of the time and i realized it is because i slipped away from Allah.
Thank you all for the advise, many of us young muslims are in need of such counsel.
Lets all try and imitate how the prophet (saw) lived,he is the most loved by Allah…inshaAllah we can all earn Allahs love as well.
AZAKHALLAH KHAIRAN FOR THIS GREAT POST
Ever since i was seven i’ve been praying and fasting and never did anything wrong (at least not something big). but for some reason as i got older things just went downhill for me. I don’t know what happened. i got married and me and my husband are having a long distance relationship. i wanted to go visit him this winter so bad and i planned for it and everything but it just didnt happen. some of the reason was financial issues. but sometimes i just tell myself allah just didn’t want it to happen yet. i only stayed with him for 3 months after we got married and we’ve been apart for 1 year and 2 months. at first i was happy to come back and finish school but now i regret coming back here. I hate everything im so depressed and i don’t feel motivated to do anything anymore especially this semester because i was so ready to go back to see him.Somtimes i don’t even pray and i dont even feel bad for not praying and that kills me because before like if i didnt pray one salah i would hate myself and feeel soooo bad about it. I dont know what happened to me. Sometimes i say its because my husband doesn’t pray and when i seen that he didnt pray i felt that maybe its okay not to do it. I wish i can go back to how i was. i feel so different.
I also wanted to mention that FRIENDS really do matter and when you hang out with like non-muslims or mulisms that don’t follow the religion that can persuade u into doing things you will regret. because u hang out with them and you see the things they do (for example having a boyfriend)than you think it’s okay to do it too. it doesnt seem something bad when really it is.
reading the quran does bring you closer to allah
but i dont even feel motivated to read the quran :((
salaams everyone,
i am in a dilemma, and wanted your advice. Alhamdulillah i have been married for 2 years now and both my husband and myself got married late, my husband is in his 40’s now and i am in my early 30’s. He is a lovely man in every respect except when we go out shopping and there are scantily clad women i do see him looking and not lowering his gaze. I have also noticed him looking at bill board pics of models in the shops and on magazines (that are lined up in the shop).
Alhamdulillah, he prays five times, fasts, does a lot of zikr but becasue he doesnt lower his gaze its affecting my self esteem and my feelings towards him. He also told me once that there is very few perfect people (in terms of looks) except for models, and i told him most of them are airbrushed.
Anyway not to jump from the main concern, i wanted advice on how i can help him to lower his gaze? should i speak to him abt it? i am fearful that he will deny it and it may casue us to argue. He does listen to music on occassions but not regularly. What advise can you give me to help him? he is in his 40’s so i would have thought it wud be hard for a yonung man to lower his gaze not someone of his age and maturity. I would like to help him sutubly so i need advise from both brothers and sisters! Jzk and may Allah (swt) guide us all and grant us happiness and peace in this world and Mercy in the hereafter. Ameen.
Salaam Yusra,
I am just such a guy as your husband. Married for not very long time, my wife is the greatest thing ever given to me and values me very much. Alhamdullilah!
A couple of weeks ago she confronted me with noticing me not lowering my glaze on several occasions. My first reaction was denying this. But as a student of Islam, I do not meditate but reflect. Meaning I have to take a good look at the man in the mirror while pondering over the knowledge provided by Quran and hadith. We have to look for what we really do and how it can be improved. So while being angry being accused of something I was sure of I was not guilty off I went off and took a good look at myself, realizing on very short term my looks went there where it shouldn’t. After a couple of days I came back on the topic and I had to admit my mistake to her. It was something I was simply I was not aware off and I really have no interest in those women. Even though she started the preach that really annoys me (you guys know what I am talking about ;0) ), but I could not thank Allah (swt) enough for giving me this wife that will help me to grow in the ways of Islam.
I realized the Al Baqarah [2:187] ayat with the reference on being clothes for each other. She protected me from possible sin, for which I am grateful.
But now off course I will have to put this in practice, which will be a tough one. And I can not disregard the tips mentioned earlier, I like to take a practical approach. According current popular psychological believes developing a habbit takes 21 continuous days actually doing the habit exactly as you had intended it. So just start with a moment, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, 3 weeks … and if you fail ? Make a du’ah for strength and start counting again. This goes for anything you need to change in your life. Inshaallah you will get there.
But what I want to say to Yusra is that you should not be afraid of confrontation as Allah (swt) is always on your side when you defend his ways, have faith in Him. You know your husband best, so you know how to approach him best. I can not help you with that. But you should tell him, as this is in his best interest as well. Inshaallah he will appreciate you even more, at least Allah (swt) does. And if you find difficulties, perform salat istaghara first asking advice and ways will be revealed to you on how to accomplish this.
If this helps, praise to Allah (swt), if not I wish you all the best.
walikum salam
Fasting as the Prophet said it is suggested for a person who cannot afford marriage.
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AssalamoAlaikum all!
Here is a tip for avoiding any non-mehram images while browsing or at least removing their bad effect inshAllah. For windows 7 users, they can use magnifier shortcut key to turn on the negative of the current screen. Suppose that you are going to browse something on youtube and you fear that something undesirable might turn up soon as you go to the page. Avoiding this can be done in the following way:
1) Start windows magnifier by pressing Windows logo key + Plus Sign (+). Now you have the magnifier running. Press Windows logo key + minus Sign (-) to zoom out.
2) Turn on screen negative: Ctrl+Alt+I
3) Browse to the dangerous site e.g. youtube.com. With negative ON, you will not feel the bad desire, inshAllah, if you see something potentially bad as skin color is messed up in negative image. But anyways, avoid anything that is tempting.
4) Search your video etc and then turn off the negative by again pressing Ctrl+Alt+I once you have found it.
Pray for me please. JazakAllah Khair!
AssalamoAlaikum!
Jazak Allah!!
Masha Allah, thank you brother 🙂 for reminding me. May Allah grants you with kindness, aameen yaa Rabb.
I like it soooo much coz I myself just start practicing 3 months back
This article dated 2008 kinda old I really hope u still around and posting useful stuff
Jazzak Allah khair
two acts that will realy help is if you pray more like the nafl prayers such as the nafls within the five daily prayers, tahajjud, salatul duha, salatul ishraq, coz the more you stand to pray, the more you looking down at the ground and also try and memorise long surah’s so when your praying you are reciting the long surah’s as result you are looking down for long, the more and longer you look down the more you would get used to it till the point where when you go out you would be looking down without even relaising, in shaa Allah.