He Prayed Instead of Fought

Photo: Saima

Glimpses of Marital Bliss: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV| Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

In any relationship, disagreements are inevitable. How do you respond when a loved one makes a mistake? Let’s see how this husband responded and how it affected his wife and their relationship.

“If I was to describe my husband and myself, it would suffice to say that we belong to the opposite ends of a spectrum.

He enjoys watching a good movie while I enjoy reading a good book. My idea of a perfect weekend is a picnic in the park while he’s content unwinding at home. I would jump at the opportunity to do extreme sports while he’s content with the likes of “angry birds” 🙂

Our marriage was arranged by our parents and although we had numerous differences, there were some core values that were common.

Both of us held family as top priority, possessed the insatiable love to gain knowledge, and were passionate about trotting the globe to witness Allah’s magnificent creations.

As remarkable as it might seem, our first ever real argument occurred several years into our marriage!

It wasn’t because I didn’t have a mind or ideologies to stand up for. On the contrary, I had been a debater, a leader and fierce proponent of women empowerment all through my young adulthood. However, my husband has always had an aura of calmness and utmost patience that in those early days was irritating, but has now become infectious.

Here’s why it took us almost four years to engage in a quarrel with each other:

It was a couple of months into our marriage—I can’t remember over what or why—I had raised my voice and waited for his response. Annoyingly enough there was none. I went on and he kept quite. So I went on even more until, to my extreme shock and disbelief, my husband stood up and raced to the bathroom to make wudu’ (ablutions) and started praying. And when the prayer was over he sat for a long time making du`a’ (supplications).

The worst thing to happen in any argument is to face-off with a silent opponent! However, the SCARIEST thing is to have an opponent who talks to Allah instead of engaging with you! As I stood watching, my anger turned into guilt and then remorse.

Did I really hurt an innocent being because I was having a crappy day for no fault of his? Did my being away from my family make me so bitter that I started harming my newly-wed husband?

Did he REALLY just get up and start praying? Is he complaining about me to my Lord?

As these thoughts raced through my head, I felt extremely sorry and apologized to him.

That day I realized, and secretly felt proud, to have a husband whom I not only liked but for whom I had immense respect.

Over the years, I have learned so much from him, have grown to love him, enjoy his company, and appreciate his insight on different issues. Above all, I can’t thank Allah enough to have given me someone who has helped me become a better person, a better Muslim!

P.S.: When that inevitable husband-wife squabble occurred years later, both of us had grown stronger and closer to Allah (and each other) that it ended almost as quickly as it had started.

To this day, I look back fondly at all the times my beloved husband chose to offer prayers instead of screaming back at me.”

*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email Maryam@VirtualMosque.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss.