Yearning of the Heart

“How many of us here can say that we love the Prophet (saw) more than ourselves and our families?”.

This was the question asked at a sisters’ gathering. Silence filled the room as people pondered on what was being asked.

As I write, that moment is still lingering on my mind because of the way it struck a deep cord within me.

Not a single atom in me could bring myself to break this silence and say “I did”. It is not the norm for someone to love a person that much who has been gone for 1400 years. For this reason, I couldn’t bring myself to answer this question. I didn’t want to come across as big-headed.

No amount of words can ever come close to expressing the deep feelings I had for Allah and His Prophet (pbuh). Only Allah has true knowledge of this.

All of this will sound even more strange when I say this episode started from the age of thirteen.

At such a tender age I spent many moments in awe at my Lord and shedding tears for our beloved Prophet (pbuh).

The thought of this selfless man conveying the message of Islam to save us from the wrath of Allah caused these hot tears to flow. More were shed at the thought of Allah’s mercy.

Many a moments I pleaded with my Lord to give me a glimpse of the Prophet’s (pbuh) beautiful face. When this didn’t come to happen, I shed tears at the thought of not being born during the Prophet’s (pbuh) time. Why did my Lord put me on earth 1400 years after the Prophet (pbuh)?

Time spent with family came nowhere near close to the happiness I felt when in seclusion in front of my Rabb. I didn’t need anyone in my life, I had Allah and that was all I needed. My conscience and awareness of Allah reached levels beyond my comprehension.

‘Can she not speak?’ was the most common question my mum would get asked when in gatherings. People very much unaware that inside my heart I would be trembling at the thought of saying anything. Why? Because I could feel Allah’s presence, and I didn’t want to displease Him in anyway.

Yes brothers and sisters, as strange as this may sound – my invisible friend was Allah. Why would I want anyone else when I always had the Creator?

How to love Allah and His Rasool (pbuh)? Through the yearning of the heart.